I had a pretty disappointing end to January, catching a cold at work gutted a lot of social plans. I fully believe BEING TRANSGENDER AT THE CLUB to be an act of political praxis, but perhaps I also like any excuse for wearing my lil bikini top and drinking rum and cokes transgenderly. Still, I can't sulk too much, I've been spoiled rotten and nursed by my partners and I'm now back to normal. AND!!! I finished a drawing. On the 31st, for an art trade. It's something.
I read my childhood best friend's poetry book, Kinder Parasites, and it was honestly kind of magical. I had the very special privilege of being able to use our memories together as a key to unlock some of her words. Other parts were mystery to me from her adventures since we've lived in different cites and had different lives, and that was just as delicious to dig into and let the text speak for itself. It's all left me with a very NICE feeling jealously- or inpsiration. Perhaps its all my inexperience to poetry (as someone who only ever wants to read over-descriptive genre fiction, and has only been reading again AT ALL this past year) but it felt so raw and pure as a kind of expression. And it's made me want to write whatevaaaa the fuck I want on here!!! Get sentimental, be emo and pretentious as I loooove to do.
Speaking of being pretentious yet only pigging out on genre fiction, I have endeavoured now to watch a film from every year since 1900! I am sorely lacking in having seen much cinema at all from before the 70s, so I have a freshened up watchlist ready to go! Who's ready for a Georges Méliès sweep for my 2026 end of year letterboxd recap.
Happy February! Lets get romantic! - Kug p.s. I deleted tiktok, and had a brief fixation of learning every world flag. I've smashed both Europe and Africa so far
I feel like I'm in the middle of a big change. Perhaps the new year, a new relationship, looming changes at work, and stumbling across a few two many formative pieces of art and media in the last month at once.
But I'm changing from being some little stone-age cave thing to some digital machine thing. Switching up my aesthetic, favourite themes and references- YET I REMAIN ARTBLOCKED.
I've been through sooo many phases this last year and had a lot of fun in each!!! Obsessive Elder Scrolls play throughs, Clowns and animatronics, high fantasy smut characters, reviving my old Orc project for roleplay and playing "What if I was a worm-" type scenarios with possessed swords and wandering trolls with my girlfriend.
WITH NO ART TO SHOW FOR IT! The ideas are the easy bit, and with each new film or game which rocks my world I keep thinking wowwww I have to find away to express these things in my own art!
I've also had some good conversations with a beloved friend about how I feel like I don't enjoy things 'right.' Being on tumblr and having a lot of fandom friends, people get so much out of ONE show or character and completely fixate on it. Ohhh I envy the dopamine, and feel like I'm weird for barely being able to relate to ANY fictional character. I just enjoy things and move on, wanting to absorb a little bit of the essence into my own art. BUT I ENJOY SO MANY THINGS!! I love learning about new stuff! Sharing things with my friends! I'm excited by everything!!!
but unsatisfied :(
If I could be so optimistic... I should try and treat this all as a big resource gathering period. Getting my vibes in order. Then hopefully the drawing will come.
But how does a coloured pencil character artist get SURREAL with it?
I'll have to work it out.
- Kug (Ps. I'm still a little cave thing also, and I always will be, just as I still identify with and revisit many of my phases over the years. I'm on a weird one.)
MY FIRST BLOG POST! Oh I have been waiting days to yap, and now I'm here, I'm not sure what to say!
It's very easy to tell that I'm DEEP into a fixation right now, and I've thrown myself into learning HTML and CSS in the hopes of making my own website. I'm approaching it in a very long term way, and I'm trying to think how good I'll be at all of this in 5 years time. In another sense it feels a little bit like digital doomsday prepping, building myself a little shelter in the event that social media becomes truly unusable.
However, like most things I obsess over, I might not be able to keep it up :(. That would be nothing new. But I honestly feel so good about what I'm learning, and there's nothing more satisfying than when your code WORKS. Everything I'm doing here won't be going anywhere.
I'm also on a funny robot/AI/computer/objectum and gender/kin/kink thing rn. I myself want to live in the code of a little web 1.0 website, and in my friend's computers. Dw about it. It's adding to the obsession which adds to the motivation! DON'T LOOK AT MY LETTERBOXD HAHAHA
- Kug (p.s I will make this look MUCH prettier in the next few days)